i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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