from now on my penis is your penis
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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