I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
