i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
