508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
