This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
