I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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