He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
