Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
