dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you would pick up someone in the library
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
