if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got inside last night via doggy door
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
