Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I will pee on everything he values.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
