I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
