so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
