You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
