Don't EVER smell your tampon
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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