how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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