Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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