I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
