I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
