omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
