i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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