it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
