my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
