Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
