i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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