I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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