Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
