____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
