Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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