Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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