How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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