just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
