i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
