I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
