How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
