So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
