The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my being single is dangerous.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
