Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
