the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
third nipple confirmed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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