I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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