Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
