Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
