When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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