This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
