Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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