He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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