so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
