i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
