I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
