Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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