i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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